Today I am going to tell you about one thing. This one thing is so huge, that if you do it once a week, every week, your relationship will be amazing. Don’t you want the best relationship?
I know it sounds simple, but aren’t the simplest things usually the hardest?
It’s not go on a date, it’s not clean, it’s not even sex.
The one thing that you need to do for an amazing relationship is….CHECK IN!
So what is a check in? A check in is a scheduled time that you have every week. I like to call them Wednesday check in’s because I think Wednesday is the perfect day. It’s mid week which means that you’re not going to ruin your weekend by having a serious talk, and it’s not too soon after the weekend so that you have some things to talk about.
In this Wednesday Check in, you will have an agenda. Ideally the agenda list should be spoken about ahead of time. Anything that came up during the week that bothered you, is what you are going to talk about. For example, if your spouse said something that hurt your feelings – tell them at the check in. If you’re scared that you’re spending too much money – talking about it at the check in. If you’re trying to make a big life decision like buy a house, or change careers; these are perfect things to talk about during your check in.
“Why should I have a scheduled check in,” do you ask? “Why can’t we just talk about these things as they come up? This feels like a job or something that would completely take connection away from our relationship.”
Great! I understand those fears. – A lot of the time, bringing up serious topics on the fly takes one partner off guard. When that happens, fights break out, disagreements are had – everyone gets uncomfortable. By scheduling a time during the week and having an “agenda,” You are creating a safe space where you can talk about important subjects regarding your relationship. One of the reasons why therapy is so successful is because it is a designated hour during the week, and in that hour you pretty much know what you’re going to talk about. So this is the same thing without the therapist. It’s not a time to fight or argue. It’s a time that is set aside when both of your guards are down and discuss meaningful things – find a solutions and validate each others feelings. That’s what a check in will do.