I LOVE growth. I love seeing growth in others and I love experiencing and achieving growth myself. It’s one of the reasons I chose this profession. Yet, have you ever asked yourself if you’re pushing too hard to try and change something that doesn’t need to be fixed? It’s easy to fall in love with self improvement, but how much is too much? When do you know if it’s time to stop fixing and start accepting?
Here’s an example.
Donna (also known as Dee) is a 40 something female. She has been in therapy for several years with the goal of becoming the healthiest version of herself. Dee loves therapy and she loves self improvement, (she’s the perfect client.) However, her therapist has noticed that each time Dee comes into the office with a “problem,” she very quickly reaches a resolution on her own, trusts her gut, and honestly doesn’t need much assistance at all. So at this point her therapist begins to wonder if Dee is afraid. Perhaps she’s afraid that she will relapse without her weekly sessions. Or she doesn’t want to leave the relationship that she has formed with her therapist. Another possibility is that Donna is struggling with accepting… accepting that she no longer needs to be fixed and that she is doing great on her own, the way she is now.
Does this sound familiar at all? If it does, ask yourself why? Why are you searching for more problems? Has self improvement become a part of your identity? Are you afraid to let go of always working towards a better you?
If you are currently someone who truly feels like you are addicted to finding problems when in reality you are a normal, happy person and you have a therapist, talk to them about this. Talk to them about whether or not you are ready to leave therapy. After all, it’s always sad to see clients go, but that’s our job. Our job is to keep you and then release you when you are ready. It can be sad, but a happy sad.
If you’re not in therapy, then the question remains are you focusing too much on problems that don’t need to be fixed? If so, how is this impacting your life and your goal of happiness?
A final caveat and some random thoughts: This post is not meant to invalidate those who really do need help. There is a difference between a person who truly needs help when their goal is to become the person who has to “search” for problems.
Either way…. I accept you, as you are. If you are having trouble accepting you, step into my office and we’ll figure this out 🙂