October 30, 2017

Halloween is definitely one of the greatest holidays in my book. You get to dress up and pretend that you’re something you’re not AND you have the best excuse to binge on your favorite candy! Every year when October roles around, I always look forward to this holiday. But, I also understand that I’m not everyone and there are many people who don’t enjoy dressing up and putting on a costume. It can feel uncomfortable and awkward. For some people, role-playing is the thing that gets them going. For others, it’s something that adds too many expectations and unwanted stress. The good thing is, you really don’t need whips and chains, or that really expensive outfit from the sex store (even though you’re welcome to use them if you want.)  All you need is something that enhances your sexual experience, fantasy. Let go of all of your previous thoughts and begin by talking to yourself and your partner.

Talk to your partner

Imagine being married to your best friend and never telling them what you truly fantasize about. This scenario is true for so many couples. Discussing our desires and fantasies with our partner means possibly putting ourselves at risk for feeling embarrassed or ashamed. Not to mention the fact that your partner might not want to hear what you have to say. They could it personally. Always go slow when beginning a conversation about a new and potentially controversial subject.  Start by letting your partner know that you enjoy what you already have but would like to try and introduce some fantasy. See what their thoughts are. Ask if they’ve ever considered spicing things up a bit.

Introduce Play

Fantasy is play. An erotic form of connecting our real selves and our fictitious selves. It is a safe place where we can imagine, experiment and reinvent ourselves. One of the many reasons sex becomes dull in a marriage is because your partner no longer represents someone who is mysterious to you. They are safe and reliable. But safe and reliable is boring. It doesn’t cultivate passion. Mystery and excitement is what drives good sex. Introducing fantasy and role-playing are great ways to have both.

Discuss adding something new

Once you have gotten the hang of fantasizing with your partner try going even further. Maybe you do want to try dressing in that french maids outfit or you’d like to use a sex toy. What ever it is, challenge yourself to let go of the insecurities that are holding you back.



Introducing role-playing is not a sign that your relationship is bad. In fact it is the opposite. It indicates trust and safety. It is also therapeutic in many ways and can make your relationship even greater. How would you like to incorporate fantasy in your relationship?


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