Break up healing strategies
11/26/17
By: Jennifer Seip, LMFT
When a partner of mine broke-up with me some years ago, I wasn’t ready. It came as a shock. I thought that we were doing fine. In my head, I had planned what we would be together during the holidays. I thought about where we would go, and the shows I wanted to watch together, but I idealized everything.
Needless to say, I was blindsided when my fantasy didn’t come true. Like another similar break-up, I found myself depressed and lonely. All I could think about was why. Was there something faulty with me? Did I do something wrong? All of my insecurities came rushing to the surface.
Why break ups feel so bad
There is a reason why the words, “heart broken”, are used so often. Because when you lose someone you love or someone you think you love, your mind and body shift to grief. The chemicals from your brain that told you to attach to that person have decreased suddenly. Your body aches, your mood drops, and you feel dreadful. Adding to the extreme, it’s the holiday season and everywhere you turn, there are happy couples who are living the life you wish for.
How to cope
So the question is, how do you get through it?
Your answer: Be in the present moment with family, friends, and laughter… and don’t forget to lean towards your grief. Find the right balance.
As difficult as it might be, allowing yourself to laugh and enjoy good company will remind you that you’re not alone. Spend time with the people who care for you, know your worth, and give you what you deserve. You have the right to feel important, accepted, and loved. Don’t let a break-up stop you from living in the moment and enjoying the things that make you happy.
Likewise when you’re grieving it’s important to spend time allowing yourself to be sad and to process your feelings. Feel your broken heart, cry, eat a ton of holiday food, do what your mind and body want you to do. As painful as it is, your mind wants you to feel the pain so that you can heal. Going cold turkey, speeds up that process.
It won’t always be so bad. Take care of yourself this moment so that you can enjoy yourself in the next.
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