Leave Your Relationship: How do you know if you should leave a long-term partner
Jan 30, 2019
By: Jennifer Seip
“How do I know if I should leave my relationship?”
When you read other posts on this subject, you’ll find lots of different opinions. So just to be clear, I am only going to be addressing those of you who are in long-term relationships. This is referring to those of you who have developed a life together. Included in this can also be couples who are thinking about the term. This post is not for anyone who just started dating.
Leave your relationship when you feel like you did every thing you could to make it work.
If you get to the point when you can say to yourself, “I did every thing I could and can leave now knowing that nothing would have worked, ” then leaving won’t feel as painful.
Here are some example questions you can ask yourself to discover if you did everything you could to make things work.
- Did you try seeing a couples therapist?
- Did you work on the things your partner asked you to?
- Did you communicate? I mean REALLY communicate your needs? Did you make them hear you? Did you tell them either, “I think I’m falling out of love with you and I’m very close to not wanting this anymore,” or “I feel so distant and lonely I don’t know if I can keep staying like this.”
- Did you actively take steps every day to put your relationship first (at the top of your mind,) before career, and other daily routine tasks (not including children?)
- Did you try to honor your authentic self and differentiate while being in the relationship?
- Did you try to work on your expectations of your partner?
- Would you like to consider changing the rules of your relationship?
If you can say ‘yes’ to all of these and you still have feelings of wanting to leave your relationship, then now you can go. Move on without any regrets that you could have done something differently.
I want you to forget about everything I said in Part I, and leave your relationship if:
- You’re partner is physically abusive
- You’re partner is emotionally abusive
- You feel life your safety is compromised in any way when you are around your partner
If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you should leave your relationship. You should not continue to try and “do everything you can to make it work.” No relationship is worth giving up your safety or your self worth.
If you are currently in an abusive relationship of any kind and are struggling to leave here are some resources.
- The Philadelphia Domestic Violence Hotline (1-866) 723-3014
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800) 799-7233
- A Women’s Place (Bucks County) (800) 220- 8226
- Laurel House (Montgomery County) (1-800) 642-3150
- Domestic Abuse Project of Delaware County (610) 565-4590
- Domestic Violence Center of Chester County (888) 711-6270
FYI: If you are not in the Philadelphia area, I was able to google, “domestic violence center”, then the area, and immediately found resources.
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