Do this once a week for a better relationship
By: Jennifer Seip, LMFT, MA
Today I am going to tell you about one thing. This one thing is so huge, that if you do it once a week, every week, your relationship will be greatly improved. I know it sounds simple, but aren’t the simplest things usually the hardest?
With this in mind, it’s not go on a date, it’s not clean and it’s not even sex.
The one thing that you need to do for an amazing relationship is… CHECK IN!
What is a check in?
A check in is a scheduled time that you have set aside every week. For instance, I like to call them Wednesday check ins. This is because Wednesday is the perfect day, (in my opinion.) It’s mid-week which means that you’re not going to ruin your weekend by having a serious talk. Likewise, it’s not too soon after the weekend, and so you will still have some things to talk about.
During your check in, you will have an agenda. Ideally the agenda list should be spoken about ahead of time. You are going to talk about anything that came up during the week that feels unresolved. For example, if your spouse said something that hurt your feelings then you will talk to them about it at the check in.
A second example might be one if you’re trying to make a big life decision like buy a house, or change career. These are perfect things to talk about during your check in.
If you think you might have trouble navigating through difficult feelings during your check in try reading 5 Healthy Ways You Can Process Your Feelings
Why Are Check-Ins Important?
“Why should I have a scheduled check in,” do you ask?
“Why can’t we just talk about these things as they come up?”
“This feels like a job or something that would completely take connection away from our relationship.”
Great! I understand those fears.
A lot of the time, bringing up serious topics on the fly takes one partner off guard. When that happens, fights break out or disagreements are had. It makes people feel uncomfortable.
By scheduling a time during the week and having an “agenda,” you are creating a safe space where you can talk about important subjects regarding your relationship. One of the reasons why therapy is so successful is because it is a designated hour during the week, and in that hour you pretty much know what you’re going to talk about. So this is the same thing without the therapist. It’s not a time to fight or argue. It’s a time that is set aside when both of your guards are down and discuss meaningful things, find solutions, and validate each others feelings. That’s what a check in will do.
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