Do you struggle with people-pleasing? Here are three tips to stop being a people-pleaser.
August 23, 2020
By Jennifer Seip
People-pleasing is a form of receiving validation through external stimuli. Many of us learn to people-please from a young age. It happens when our care-takers give us positive feedback. But only when we do something that benefits them. Usually this occurs in homes where there is a lot of emotional neglect. Additionally we learn that our worthiness can come and go, and that it only ‘comes’ when we make someone else happy. Moreover, parents who are emotionally neglectful most likely were emotionally neglected themselves and so the cycle repeats.
Here are 3 tips to stop people-pleasing.
1. Recognize that you are people-pleasing
The first ingredient to change is insight. Once we recognize that we are people pleasing, our brains can take the actionable step to changing it.
2. Ask yourself why?
Ask yourself what you’re benefiting from doing something that you don’t want to do? Are you trying to get someone to like you? The people in your life who only stay around because you sacrifice yourself for them aren’t worth staying around for. These relationships are roller-coasterish, in that they are constantly up and down and you’ll never feel safe or steady.
3. Lean into discomfort of not people-pleasing
Lean into the discomfort that comes with setting your boundaries. I know it is uncomfortable to rock the boat, the more you do it, the easier it will get – TRUST this, then trust yourself. Also, practice your mindfulness if you’re having a difficult time sitting with your visceral anxiety.
As always, it does get easier!
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